HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE - Aka…Capitalist Spells against America’s Newest Prince

Let me say first that I was forced into seeing this movie. Showing in my town - there were no subtitled true works le art which, combined with the superior European intellect - allows a movie to be read while watched - as the great Ingmar Bergman intended them to be.

I was forced to review this Potter-head Fest by this wholly-owned Imperialist American website. While disdainfully marching into this sardine-ly-packed

30-plex - I was nauseous after following the herd of your distended, bulbous tummies into the over-ample, Oprah Winfrey-Assed-Seats packed with your McDonald’s-Super-Sized Imperialist buttocks’.

Almost as appalling is that this movie was adapted from a book by an English woman!!

Nique ta mere!

But even with this requisite – I only offer Le Best to my review and to my public.

It is my nation’s tradition - in time of peace. I have no choice.

So, prior to this movie –

I planned appropriately because I was made aware of the length.

Over 2 and half hours.

To prepare: I bought 6 packs of Nicorette gum. In France we are given our right to smoke and I generally go through 3 packs of the Lucky Strike - in a movie of this length.

I also DVRed the 14 hours of Le Tour de France of which I was willing to miss the live coverage - for my public.

I fasted - No eating or drinking for 12 hours prior.

I had no void – renally or rectally, throughout.

This – so I may give out the best review possible.

Vive’ La France!!

Vive’ Pepe La Petitte!!

But, digress I do…but now back to la review de film. I must admit your American CGI has come a long way since le Tron movie in 1982.

Monopolizing in a field has its benefits - Oui, Monsier Gates?

But, again, digress I do…

In the cine….we follow the tribulations of Harry (the Grand Wizard), Hermione (the Young-Bun temptress) and the Ron Weasley (with the Jerry Lewis-akin comedic genius) as they fight off ‘the evil’.

And yes, that evil to which they refer is The Half-Blood Prince;

A not so vaguely guised reference to le Majestic Mulatto - Barack Obama.

The Warner Brothers studio has crafted this movie to scare up the ugly right-winged skin headed Ku Klux Klanners on the shores of your fatherland. And they bring to light ‘the scary cinematic’ images that show multiple inter-racial, quasi-copulating teenaged couples. Simple scare tactics.

Backwards-ass Americanistas.

References to “The Dark Lord” abound, with his real name being “Tom Riddle”.

Again, a not so veiled reference to what the Fox news would have you believe is the “Uncle” that is currently occupying the American White House.

Ah haaa haaa!!

Not so quick, Monsier Karl Rove. Pepe’ sees through your Foxxie mind-like prism with which you are trying to hypnotize the American public.

I was so enthralled with the youthful buns of Hermione that the story missed me a bit.

Something about - Good vs. Evil or some such.

Surmising - This movie is simply a regurgitated Star Wars franchise.

For those of you scoring at home:

Harry Potter = Luke Skywalker

Ron Weasley** = Han Solo

** Sans the ugly American attitude

Hermione ** = Princess Leah

** Sans the gold lame’ bikini and chain

Voldemort = Darth Vader

Dumbledore = Yoda

Snape = Lando Calrissian

And I distinguish that the Brother’s Warner have much hocus-pocus about nothing. The true story is that they simply don’t want to be financially taxed for the inalienable right of every American - the universal health coverage that the rest of the world has seen to be the light.

I will just say this – the next time your Rave Reviewer gets a lightning bold scar on MY forehead- you can damn well bet that Pepe La Petitte is going to expect it to be repaired (for free) by some overly-worked, state-employed physician.

I WILL NOT go through MY WHOLE LIFE casting spells or drumming up money from the pittance I receive from this incompetently run website to pay for my God-Given right to plastic surgery!!

Thinly veiled shots at Monsieur Potter are really meant to bring disillusionment to the great La President de Obama.

Examples:

“He is exceptionally ordinary!!”

“We must be taught to be strong in these troubled times!!”

“You must obey every command without question.”

“Do as I say- Trust Me.”

“He belongs to the Dark Lord.”

“We must drink the ‘Liquid Lotion’.” e.g. Kool Aid

You are as blind as the George Will if you can’t see the obvious inferences.

In the final scene of this movie “the good guys” are holding their wands skyward.

The true meaning of this movie can’t be more clear!!

“Hold Up Your Wands – America’s Grand Wizards!!

Cast Out The Half-Blood Prince!!”

Fin