ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO - Aka…Abzug pulls a Pee Wee Herman at the local Cineplex

Zack and Miri are platonic best friends who are struggling to make it financially. They go to their 10 year high school reunion which is such a beautiful, ”painful” event in which Zack shows true hatred of his past high school classmates. From that point onward, I had great respect for this character. That’s right. Abzug was a high school loser that never made it with a lady. Or, a guy for that matter. But I digress.

The beauty of Zack (as in every Seth Rogan role) is that he has the greatest “don’t give a fuck” attitude ever seen on screen. While at the reunion, Zack meets the guy who comes (literally and sexually) with the former big stud high school QB. A great diatribe ensues when he tells Zack that he is an actor in movies with an “all male cast”. Zack inquires “like Glengary Glen Ross?” The actor responds with “no like Glen and Gary suck Ross’ cock. Zack’s beautiful response …”is that like a sequel?” And you are correct sir, Abuzug has no idea what the word “diatribe” actually means.

So Zack and Miri are down on their luck trying to pay the bills and make ends meet. A humorous suggestion by Miri is that this is the financial situation that makes people resort to desperate measures “like making porno” - starts the wheels turning in Zack’s head.

The two agree to the movie and the turn-on starts for me since one of my favorite genres of porno is the amateur section - real people having real sex. NOT Anime Sex – you overly literal putrid piece of post-pubescent pap. FYI – not every real person looks like they were conceived from hallowed loins of Jon Voigt.

Conversation ensues and casting begins - where we find my personal early porno fantasy girl “Tracy Lords” who displays a little hidden secret talent involving her genitalia blowing bubbles. If this would have been revealed at the time when she was 17 and giving group blow jobs, I probably would have been even a bigger fan. Be warned, Lords does not have regular sex during this movie, but her clit is bigger than Abzug’s cock.

If that doesn’t make you put this gem in your Netflix queue – time to get a testosterone patch, some gay porn and move on, but be forewarned of the worst nightmare for an amateur anal porn cameraman - In the right place but at the wrong time.

As Zack and Miri continue on the production, their big sex scene approaches. Feelings start to develop and worlds collide. The battle of love vs.“how can I spunk on your face while being filmed?” begins.

They psych themselves into the moment and the film crew is enthralled by their display of making love vs. fucking. No money shot - which is the only bad thing about this movie.

Zack and Miri are falling in love. They can’t stand the thought of the other having sex with others which interferes with production – since of course – this is kind of the point – of porn.

So be careful, connoisseurs of sexual and excretory organs, this movie proves that once you go down the road of amateur porn, either leave your feelings behind the camera with a fluffboy or maintain the fantasy in front of your computer with a handful of petroleum by-product and the most powerful anti-viral program that you can get your hands on.