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World War Z - Aka….Ok, Just So We're Clear... Some United Nations Moron Saves The World? AH, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!

By King Hippo - Posted on 21 July 2013

Now that I've got THAT out of my system, on to the movie. Spoiler Alert – As is de rigueur, the review of this movie, basically, amounts to any synopsis that you can find on IMDB, with three or four smart-ass comments. This is why I am King Hippo…King of the half-ass reviews.

If you didn't already know, King Hippo has a soft spot for teenage girls, beef jerky, 70's rock, 50's horror comics, and - drum roll please - zombie movies. In short…my lifetime dream is to live Steve Buscemi’s character in Ghost World.

Yes, your humble reviewer was permanently smitten by the zombie bug when forced to watch the original Night of the Living Dead in glorious black and white with a group of older cousins back in the late 60's, ironically enough, in a segregated movie theatre. Segregated, in the fact that it didn't allow haoles like Dan Cedar.

Since then, The King has seen every incarnation of George Romero's original classic, and currently enjoys the genre's comeback with the Walking Dead TV series of recent years. Gladly, within the confines of the Hippo Dungeon, where no man, black or white, is allowed without a search warrant.

I was not hopeful of any redeeming qualities that this movie may have had in store, but was pleasantly surprised. This, despite, uber tool Brad Pitt's appearance as the main character. I was wondering how the writers and director would spin the "zombie" theme without it being another rehash hack job and/or repetitive reinvention of the wheel…like my movie reviews. Between the Romero franchise and the Resident Evil series, and everything in between, we've pretty much depleted every variant of zombie-ISM that could be imagined. But whoa, Nellie, we've got a different twist in this movie.

It’s kind of like King Hippo falling in love with a non-anorexic, pro-abort feminist, that doesn’t WANT to be chained in my dungeon.

So the "catch" is that the typical drunken stupor of your average zombie is just their "dormant" state. Like an Obama voter.

Once they are stimulated by either living human flesh or noise, they spring into their "excitable" state, gaining superhuman speed and strength as they crash the party. Like an Obama voter on the day they expect their welfare check in the mail.

Kind of like a tea-party member, after having been fucked in the ass by the government for forty years of their lives, springing into action, just enough to get humiliated in an election where the only people voting for the president are blacks, wetbacks, pro-abort whores, potheads, and the downtrodden “WAR ON WOMEN” whiners.

Come to think of it, the 1850s weren’t such a bad time after all.

The other "twist" is that the zombies will not attack any human that has a terminal disease, the theory being that the zombies don't want to eat "tainted" meat.

Really? Have you seen a picky zombie lately? That's like John Candy and Bill Clinton walking into a McDonalds and stating that they will not eat their "Big Macs" without Grey Poupon.

Look on the bright side - if these zombies really come into being, Dan Cedar will not have to worry about being attacked, what with his terminal male impotence that he's been living with since birth. And, for the next 1205 days, the Secret Service, is free to stand down, since our half-Kenyan president, will not be threatened by any zombies, with his Downy-laundered shirts continuing to be prepared by the White House staff.

The Review of World War Z – One Naybob

The Movie World War Z – Four Naybobs

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a basement full of King Hippo teenaged groupies to tend to in the basement. And FUCK THE UNITED NATIONS!!

King Zippo

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